Love Hard
I don't know that I really have too much to say after the last two things I wrote. Boston is on the road to recovery. I have taken up my morning commute again and picked up life where it left off and things seem mostly back to normal.
Just every now and then, it comes back jarringly unexpected, in the least likely of places. A newspaper on the floor of the subway had a small 2 x 2 in picture of that face I'll have a hard time forgetting, and also, a picture of shoes in the form of a heart which was surreal and touching and profound, or in getting back in touch with a few friends I hadn't talked to and apologizing for being slack in keeping in touch but only to get an emphatic apology from their end that they hadn't kept in touch with me - and how am I doing!?! In which I remember the chaos that was last week, and I feel guilty that it seems so far removed even though I'm living in it.
But here's the thing - I haven't forgotten, and life, well, it keeps coming at you and you just have to keep living it. And the memories that are wrapped up in the chaos of the last week aren't ready to be unpacked or remembered. Instead, I make new memories and as fast as possible. Dinner appointments with friends, participating in service activities, scheduling time for hobbies, and feeling victorious about checking things off a new years resolution or getting better at a goal. I think, and I could be wrong, but the new memories buffer the other ones, and maybe next week I'll process a little better, but for now, I'm not going to push too hard.
Remember what I said about loving as hard as I can? In actions, it looks like calling my family more often than usual, and hugging my roommates, and not getting wrapped up in the trial or the anger against the two brothers. In feelings, it's gratitude that the hospital was so ready to help all the victims, inspiration from those who are being courageous despite lost limbs or lost loved ones, honesty that the trial is not going to bring healing, and even though it is still hard to say, the realization that everyone makes mistakes and has humanity and that God is the only perfect judge.
So friends, feel better, and keeping loving as hard as you can.
Just every now and then, it comes back jarringly unexpected, in the least likely of places. A newspaper on the floor of the subway had a small 2 x 2 in picture of that face I'll have a hard time forgetting, and also, a picture of shoes in the form of a heart which was surreal and touching and profound, or in getting back in touch with a few friends I hadn't talked to and apologizing for being slack in keeping in touch but only to get an emphatic apology from their end that they hadn't kept in touch with me - and how am I doing!?! In which I remember the chaos that was last week, and I feel guilty that it seems so far removed even though I'm living in it.
But here's the thing - I haven't forgotten, and life, well, it keeps coming at you and you just have to keep living it. And the memories that are wrapped up in the chaos of the last week aren't ready to be unpacked or remembered. Instead, I make new memories and as fast as possible. Dinner appointments with friends, participating in service activities, scheduling time for hobbies, and feeling victorious about checking things off a new years resolution or getting better at a goal. I think, and I could be wrong, but the new memories buffer the other ones, and maybe next week I'll process a little better, but for now, I'm not going to push too hard.
Remember what I said about loving as hard as I can? In actions, it looks like calling my family more often than usual, and hugging my roommates, and not getting wrapped up in the trial or the anger against the two brothers. In feelings, it's gratitude that the hospital was so ready to help all the victims, inspiration from those who are being courageous despite lost limbs or lost loved ones, honesty that the trial is not going to bring healing, and even though it is still hard to say, the realization that everyone makes mistakes and has humanity and that God is the only perfect judge.
So friends, feel better, and keeping loving as hard as you can.
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