Feel Something
"Feel something" she said with no emotion and matter-of-factly as she put on a 90's pop ballad. We transitioned down our car dancing dramatically as we swayed and belted out the lyrics.
I think about this often. Initially, I thought touch. It took a only a split-second longer for me to realize it meant emotion.
This split-second delay was a huge deal for me. "Feel something."
Yes. I do. Surprisingly, all the time.
Laughing too hard while listening to a podcast, tearing up while listening to a story about loss, getting angry about some kind of injustice, giggling audibly while on the sidewalk. My eyes give me away every time whether it's my roommate knowing something is up as I'm writing an email, or my coworker who immediately can tell if I'm in a good mood or not.
"...a broken heart and a contrite spirit..."
I used to wonder why a broken heart would ever be something that a loving God would ask of me. I now know that a broken heart can feel and is open and teachable and soft. I know I already talked about this, but it was expressed so beautifully when she said*:
The heart never breaks--we call it heartache and heartbreak, but it is not the heart that is damaged. It is always new and unscarred and perfect and we wrap it in memories that are broken and fragmented and cutting and we confuse that with a damaged center from which to love.
I agree that hearts are always new and perfect and wanting to love and it is our own fear and memories** that keep us from doing so. And even though sometimes it is almost too much for me, someone who hasn't been in touch with how she has felt for a long time, I recognize this as a good thing. To have reason to pause, to catch my breath, to have to change the song I'm listening to because it's getting to me, to laugh out loud by myself, or feel really excited about nothing in particular, these are real and good and happening.
"Feel something."
Yes. I do.
All the time.
*http://or-so-i-feel.blogspot.com/
** i'm obsessed with this song. i feel like it is relevant.
I think about this often. Initially, I thought touch. It took a only a split-second longer for me to realize it meant emotion.
This split-second delay was a huge deal for me. "Feel something."
Yes. I do. Surprisingly, all the time.
Laughing too hard while listening to a podcast, tearing up while listening to a story about loss, getting angry about some kind of injustice, giggling audibly while on the sidewalk. My eyes give me away every time whether it's my roommate knowing something is up as I'm writing an email, or my coworker who immediately can tell if I'm in a good mood or not.
"...a broken heart and a contrite spirit..."
I used to wonder why a broken heart would ever be something that a loving God would ask of me. I now know that a broken heart can feel and is open and teachable and soft. I know I already talked about this, but it was expressed so beautifully when she said*:
The heart never breaks--we call it heartache and heartbreak, but it is not the heart that is damaged. It is always new and unscarred and perfect and we wrap it in memories that are broken and fragmented and cutting and we confuse that with a damaged center from which to love.
I agree that hearts are always new and perfect and wanting to love and it is our own fear and memories** that keep us from doing so. And even though sometimes it is almost too much for me, someone who hasn't been in touch with how she has felt for a long time, I recognize this as a good thing. To have reason to pause, to catch my breath, to have to change the song I'm listening to because it's getting to me, to laugh out loud by myself, or feel really excited about nothing in particular, these are real and good and happening.
"Feel something."
Yes. I do.
All the time.
*http://or-so-i-feel.blogspot.com/
** i'm obsessed with this song. i feel like it is relevant.
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