Chemistry Fail

The chemistry I did, and most science for that matter, is about researching to figure out where the truth is. Here's the thing with searching for truth - you can't make it up. No matter how hard you work, no matter how many experiments you run, if you don't find the right conditions for the reaction to work - it's not going to. Therefore, almost every day, there was failure. Over 90% of my reactions  didn't "work" in the classical sense of the word. When the fail rate is that high, a different measure is used for success. 

Success became defined as coming up with a new set of conditions, a new idea, a new way around the problem. Success became learning from all the little failures and knowing that when they were all pieced together, eventually it would make a good story and spell out some truth. Success became thinking on my own for what could have gone wrong and how to make it right. 

Graduate school taught me how to be comfortable with failure, and face it and continue to figure things out. I'm really good at still getting up in the morning, knowing that I'm going to fail, and knowing that this it's okay. I've learned to struggle with failure, and reason with it and sort it out. In my new job, I still fail. It's actually quite often that this happens, and I will still admit that my mood is still somewhat connected to the results. 

However, with all the good that comes from a familiarity with failure I didn't realize until recently, that my belief (instilled in me from graduate school) that failure can always be outpaced is flawed. Sometimes you can't redesign. Sometimes you can't resubmit. These times are hopefully far and few in between for all of us, however, they happen. And nothing that I or you can do, is going to change it into success.

I was talking to my sister the other day. In the midst of our conversation we started talking about failure. She looked me straight in the eyes and told me she doesn't like to fail.

With teary eyes, I told her I didn't like it either.