Love in Apology
My sister and I were laughing about how much we apologize in our family. I've been teased by a number of co-workers now to "say you're sorry for saying sorry!" Apologizing for apologizing is just silly enough to point out that my willingness to set right just about everything may be a bit overzealous and unnecessary.
We realized that apologies are more like saying "I love you" in our family. I'm not sure, but I think it may possibly be true that sincere and genuine apologies mean "I love you" in almost every situation. Even with co-workers, it's a smaller form of "I care enough to realize that I'm bugging you maybe just a little and I wish I wasn't."
This picture struck me as a clear definition of a non-apology. Sincere apology never comes from someone not caring about how you feel and not wanting to do anything about it. To me, it's a good reminder that even though I'm over-apologetic I am earnest about my desire to fix whatever it is that I feel has warranted the apology.
The apologies I need to stop giving out, are for how I am feeling. A current roommate (well, actually all of them) would quickly remind me "Don't apologize for how you feel!" And I'd have to remember that it was okay to feel stressed or bothered or anxious or even sad, and that I was only human and that I shouldn't have to apologize for my humanity.
I think this is why I get so bothered when apologies are not given. When I've been taught to hear "I'm sorry" as "I love you" the with-holding of apology or the counterfeit "I'm sorry you feel that way" is the same as with-holding love. This is a huge thing for me to recognize and I need to remember that just because it means that to me, doesn't mean it means that to others (although part of me wants to say it should). Life would be a little better, I think, with a little more willingness to swallow pride and just say we are sorry when we care.
Apologies, in my book, are always better than no apology.
We realized that apologies are more like saying "I love you" in our family. I'm not sure, but I think it may possibly be true that sincere and genuine apologies mean "I love you" in almost every situation. Even with co-workers, it's a smaller form of "I care enough to realize that I'm bugging you maybe just a little and I wish I wasn't."
This picture struck me as a clear definition of a non-apology. Sincere apology never comes from someone not caring about how you feel and not wanting to do anything about it. To me, it's a good reminder that even though I'm over-apologetic I am earnest about my desire to fix whatever it is that I feel has warranted the apology.
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| http://exp.lore.com/post/41486215714/how-jerks-apologize-nevver |
The apologies I need to stop giving out, are for how I am feeling. A current roommate (well, actually all of them) would quickly remind me "Don't apologize for how you feel!" And I'd have to remember that it was okay to feel stressed or bothered or anxious or even sad, and that I was only human and that I shouldn't have to apologize for my humanity.
I think this is why I get so bothered when apologies are not given. When I've been taught to hear "I'm sorry" as "I love you" the with-holding of apology or the counterfeit "I'm sorry you feel that way" is the same as with-holding love. This is a huge thing for me to recognize and I need to remember that just because it means that to me, doesn't mean it means that to others (although part of me wants to say it should). Life would be a little better, I think, with a little more willingness to swallow pride and just say we are sorry when we care.
Apologies, in my book, are always better than no apology.
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