Stories heard upon arrival
Just after moving here, I went to a local storytelling night. It was early enough that I felt that the event was a little too edgy for my conservative new job, and I thought I'd immediately be known as a "professor" by people in the area (this feeling has long since worn off and was never an actual reality).
I loved the stories because they felt personal and brave, and reminded me of things I'd experienced in other places. I went alone, which was a bit scary, but I left a little bit changed.
The first speaker talked of moving to Utah and not wanting to be a "Utah mormon". She went to a poetry slam night and thought she'd hear about emotional diatribes and regular poetry slam stuff, but instead she heard poem after poem about how the mormons were so hurtful and how they were the worst and it hurt her to feel so spoken out against. She felt like she had to cast off all of her loved religion to be accepted, which is a large part of who she is. For the next few years she wouldn't let anyone into her life who was "Utah mormon" because she didn't want to be like "them". It took many years for that feeling to slowly burn away as she realized she had to make space for all the "Utah mormons" that she didn't want to allow in her life. She wanted mormon to mean someone who made space. This is what she works now to do.
Another man told of a story of his mission and he met three guys and was talking bout how the Book of Mormon would change their lives. One of the guys came back secretly to learn more and the missionaries taught him (Jose) for 9 weeks. They'd do the spiel and then go through question after question as Jose tried to reconcile how to have a relationship with God and what to do with his life. The last thing this missionary wanted to do was to have that conversation since he wasn't out yet and wouldn't be for 20 years. Later in the mission, they visited Jose, and the man's companion tried to commit Jose to baptism and said that if he wouldn't commit they'd have to drop him. So it was the worst feeling knowing he'd never see Jose again because it wouldn't be something he'd be able to commit to. Later he realized that at the same time he was teaching Jose was the same time his Dad died and as he was teaching the lessons he would say over and over in his mind, this DAMN better be true. These meetings with Jose were the only thing that kept him going. It was a story about a complex way to live the gospel, and how so few things are black and white when there's so much humanity mixed in.
The last speaker(s) (co)talked about how she(they) ended up married. It was a wild story about how they started dating and after 1 month, she says they should marry. He said absolutely not (as his reasons were that he was 30 and worried about being awesome, not necessarily wanting to be married in practice only wanting to be married in theory) and she kept at it for a year. After a year she started dating other people and he got jealous and realized he wanted to have her in his life. So they decided to get engaged (while he's still unsure the whole time). Finally he's having serious doubts and so they pray and she prays and comes up with an answer that they'll go to vegas and get married that day. So they go to vegas and along the drive he's waking up iteratively every 15 minutes with peace and with panic. They end up getting married and he feels peaceful, wakes up stressed/panic which lasts for about a year. In the way that they both told the story, it was kind of a realistic and yet still romantic way to think about how relationships work.
Rawness and vulnerability are things that I am not good at. My walls are high and thick. Any story I tell is only told when I feel emotionally removed from it, and if I'm not quite yet un-entangled, I numb any emotions to tell my own story. As it happens, life got too busy to search out any more events that felt like this. The story-telling night was a one-off reminder of a previous life I'd had that felt edgy and liberal and progressive. I remember feeling sheepish and scared as I sat in the audience, and especially being alone, but looking back, I wish I'd kept pushing myself to do things that felt special and required a bit of inner strength to do. Listening to other people's stories upon arrival, made me feel brave and empathetic and honest about what I wanted, and I think that I lost a little bit of that since then. Good thing there's more-to-be-explored and no-time-like-the-present to find that niche scare-yourself-into-exploration place in this valley.
I loved the stories because they felt personal and brave, and reminded me of things I'd experienced in other places. I went alone, which was a bit scary, but I left a little bit changed.
The first speaker talked of moving to Utah and not wanting to be a "Utah mormon". She went to a poetry slam night and thought she'd hear about emotional diatribes and regular poetry slam stuff, but instead she heard poem after poem about how the mormons were so hurtful and how they were the worst and it hurt her to feel so spoken out against. She felt like she had to cast off all of her loved religion to be accepted, which is a large part of who she is. For the next few years she wouldn't let anyone into her life who was "Utah mormon" because she didn't want to be like "them". It took many years for that feeling to slowly burn away as she realized she had to make space for all the "Utah mormons" that she didn't want to allow in her life. She wanted mormon to mean someone who made space. This is what she works now to do.
Another man told of a story of his mission and he met three guys and was talking bout how the Book of Mormon would change their lives. One of the guys came back secretly to learn more and the missionaries taught him (Jose) for 9 weeks. They'd do the spiel and then go through question after question as Jose tried to reconcile how to have a relationship with God and what to do with his life. The last thing this missionary wanted to do was to have that conversation since he wasn't out yet and wouldn't be for 20 years. Later in the mission, they visited Jose, and the man's companion tried to commit Jose to baptism and said that if he wouldn't commit they'd have to drop him. So it was the worst feeling knowing he'd never see Jose again because it wouldn't be something he'd be able to commit to. Later he realized that at the same time he was teaching Jose was the same time his Dad died and as he was teaching the lessons he would say over and over in his mind, this DAMN better be true. These meetings with Jose were the only thing that kept him going. It was a story about a complex way to live the gospel, and how so few things are black and white when there's so much humanity mixed in.
The last speaker(s) (co)talked about how she(they) ended up married. It was a wild story about how they started dating and after 1 month, she says they should marry. He said absolutely not (as his reasons were that he was 30 and worried about being awesome, not necessarily wanting to be married in practice only wanting to be married in theory) and she kept at it for a year. After a year she started dating other people and he got jealous and realized he wanted to have her in his life. So they decided to get engaged (while he's still unsure the whole time). Finally he's having serious doubts and so they pray and she prays and comes up with an answer that they'll go to vegas and get married that day. So they go to vegas and along the drive he's waking up iteratively every 15 minutes with peace and with panic. They end up getting married and he feels peaceful, wakes up stressed/panic which lasts for about a year. In the way that they both told the story, it was kind of a realistic and yet still romantic way to think about how relationships work.
Rawness and vulnerability are things that I am not good at. My walls are high and thick. Any story I tell is only told when I feel emotionally removed from it, and if I'm not quite yet un-entangled, I numb any emotions to tell my own story. As it happens, life got too busy to search out any more events that felt like this. The story-telling night was a one-off reminder of a previous life I'd had that felt edgy and liberal and progressive. I remember feeling sheepish and scared as I sat in the audience, and especially being alone, but looking back, I wish I'd kept pushing myself to do things that felt special and required a bit of inner strength to do. Listening to other people's stories upon arrival, made me feel brave and empathetic and honest about what I wanted, and I think that I lost a little bit of that since then. Good thing there's more-to-be-explored and no-time-like-the-present to find that niche scare-yourself-into-exploration place in this valley.
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